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How to Get Over it (or where is Kelly Clarkson when I need her?)

4/15/2013

12 Comments

 
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To put it mildly, rejection sucks worse than a vampire w/ emphysema. If you are like me, you hate the sting of someone putting you down, of knowing you didn’t meet expectations. I think writers in general are sensitive souls, the kind who can read eighty glowing reviews with a shrug, but if one bad one comes rolling in, they fold like card tables after Bingo night. The bad review has to be the only honest review, right? The rest of those reviewers were being nice or smoking the happy crack when they wrote them. Cue the soul-crushing, chocolate-bingeing depression.

I am a special kind of sensitive. I am what you might call a people pleaser. When I was a child if I did something bad, I often put myself in my bedroom before my parents could. All my caring father had to do was raise his voice in anger and I would burst into uncontrollable sobbing. And I never once received a detention or suspension. I cannot stand if I displease someone or they are unhappy with me. It makes my stomach churn, my pits sweat (thank you extra-strength deodorant) and my mind lock up. I’ll do anything I can to make it right.

So, when I read bad reviews, a kind of self-loathing blackness descends. Let’s look at a few, just for self-torture’s sake. These are for The Breeders and Nessa: A Breeders Story. (Not that you’ll likely want to buy them after reading these.)

“I wish I could give this zero stars. I just could not get into this book. I wanted to, but it was just not well written.”

“...as I get about 40% in I see some almost racist typecasting and it makes me disgusted that the author felt the need to do such a thing. It almost appears as though mexicans, native americans or even arabic muslims* are being depicted as barbaric and evil people. The use of language that the author uses for the Riders is blatant and I am almost regretting that I paid her money for this.”

“What a worthless story. Usually I find these stories add or clarify something from the main book. This did not. I'm not sure what the point of it was. And it was RIFE with errors. It's only 39 pages! Give me a break.”

Yeah. Bring on the chocolate and sweatpants. I’m going to bed.

In all seriousness, we all need to learn to adapt to rejection. Writing, like other creative pursuits, invites critics. We ASK people to review and openly critique our work on view for the world. So, what do we do to handle it? Here are some of my unproductive rejection-fighting techniques.

1) Curl up into a ball, curse my life and decide I’m a brainless dolt who’d do better writing copy for laundry detergent bottles.

2) Imagine slow, painful torture to those who oppose me. Search through their reviews for spelling errors and laugh heartily when I find them.

3) Watch a lot of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Drink.  

Then, when I want to come out of my funk, I try these.

1) Hit the gym. Pump some butt-kicking music (i.e. Kelly Clarkson, Avril Lavigne and the like). Run until I feel like a person again. Punch something, hopefully a bag.

2) Reread the good reviews. Force myself to believe that all these people were not all drinking the same hallucinatorily upbeat Kool-aid.

3) Watch more It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Drink.

Either way, my motto is never give up. Write until those critics have nothing to say. Write until they have to admit that your next book wasn’t so “eh” after all. Just write. In the end, it’s all about how fulfilled I, not my critics, feel at the end of the day.

So, what about you? What do you do to kick rejection in the hiney?




12 Comments
H.S. Stone link
4/15/2013 10:49:56 pm

Wow, I can't believe you got bad reviews for The Breeders and Nessa. They were such awesome books!

I know it's tough to shrug off criticism, especially if you're a born people pleaser, but try not to take it personally. Look at the bigger picture. Right now, I see 100 reviews on Amazon for The Breeders, and 68 of them are 5 stars! That's over 2/3 of reviews! I think that's enough proof that the majority is onto something.

Just keep in mind that you can't please everyone all of the time. Look up your favorite book on Amazon or Goodreads. I bet someone gave that book a bad review. And it's not just books. There will be a critic for anything you can think of under the sun. Mom and apple pie? Someone will say they're allergic to apples.

Another way to look at bad reviews is to separate the feedback from the negative feelings they arouse. Since you mentioned Kelly Clarkson in the title, are you referring to "What Doesn't Kill You"? If there's some nugget of wisdom you can find in the criticism to make you a better writer, then take advantage of it. I remember how much my editor's feedback on my last novel stung, but after moping about it, I realized that most of the comments were valid and went on to revise it and turn it into a better book.

Seriously, of the new authors I've come across recently (both indie and traditionally published), you're one of the most talented I've read. From the reviews I've read, many more people agree with me than otherwise.

P.S. I love your analogies. Sucking worse than a vampire with emphysema? Folding like card tables after Bingo night? Keep 'em coming!

Reply
H.S. Stone link
4/18/2013 06:34:40 am

I came across this article that I think is also relevant to how writers can deal with feedback, both positive and negative. http://janefriedman.com/2012/09/14/the-stephen-king-guide-to-marketing/

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Sean Cleary/Godel Fishbreath
4/17/2013 04:05:22 am

Well my mentor is Steven Barnes. I want to try to find out where he says to deal with failure:
http://diamondhour.com/
It is about a third of the way down that post at this time.

OK, I am impressed with Steven.
And dealing with stress:
http://darkush.blogspot.com/2013/03/my-birthday-your-present-ancient-child.html

Ok, hopefully quoting is OK, this is what I was referring to:

"How Many Times Are You Willing To Hear "No"?"


Here's a big one if you choose to create a life of satisfaction and evolution. "No" is a word , a look, a closed door, a rejection slip. It is a failed diet, a training injury or loss. It is a broken contract, a writer's block, a weakness of the body or mind, a lost relationship.


On the way to love, to success, to stability, to increase or healing of any kind, we meet failure. And it is important that you ask yourself (and the different "aspects" of yourself, if clarity eludes...)
1) How many times are you willing to hear no?
2) What exactly does failure mean in this particular arena?
3) How many times did your role models fail before they achieved success?
4) What is the observed difference in what failure means to successful people in this arena, and UNSUCCESSFUL people in this arena. I promise--there is a huge one.
5) What have you succeeded in in the past, after multiple failures?
6) How did you convince yourself to keep trying?
7) What does your "inner child" say about the meaning of failure?
8) What does the deepest, wisest being within you, your "inner elder" think of failure?
9)Is there any difference between what the male and female aspects of your personality think about failure?
10) What would be the most empowering belief you could have, or action you could take, in relationship to a "no"?


Salesmen know that it is simply a numbers game: if you knock on enough doors, you'll eventually find someone who wants your product. If you ask enough girls to dance, one will say "yes." If you paper your walls with rejection slips, you are on your way to being a real writer.


In my own life, my mother tore up or burned my early stories. My teachers and career counselors told me my dreams of being a writer were fantasies that would destroy my life. I was told that people of my ethnicity "did not write". Told I wasn't smart enough, lucky enough, talented enough. Had story after story after story rejected, until I asked myself the critical question: how many more times am I willing to hear "no" before I quit? And what I decided was that I would write, polish, and submit 100 stories and have them ALL circulating, before I even began to judge whether I was on the right track. And you know what happened? I got to about story twenty-two before I started selling, and have never looked back.


That was my commitment to myself. It wasn't that I didn't cry, feel cheated, hear the negative voices, doubt myself, or anything else. It was that I loved my dream of being a writer so much that I was willing to walk through the emotional fire, willing to push myself through pain, doubt, and fear...drawn by my dream of being an artist. The little boy inside me adores my "adult" self for demanding that of myself. And he rewards me with the energy and creativity I need to get up every day and hit is HARD and just love the entire process, even when it's hard.


And my "elder"? He tells me life is both terribly short and achingly long. Too short to live without getting that daily "juice" of becoming your truest self. Too long to live with the regret of abandoning your dream.


The choices are yours. How many times are YOU willing to hear "no"?
"

Reply
Sean Cleary
4/17/2013 04:09:52 am

You said on Review Fuse that there was free reviews at this site. To quote you:
"Free first page fiction critiques. Check out my website here. http://www.katiefrenchbooks.com/"
Where are they?

Reply
Sean Cleary
4/17/2013 04:09:02 am

You said on Review Fuse that there was free reviews at this site. To quote you:
"Free first page fiction critiques. Check out my website here. http://www.katiefrenchbooks.com/"
Where are they?

Reply
Sean Cleary/Godel Fishbreath
4/17/2013 04:09:20 am

You said on Review Fuse that there was free reviews at this site. To quote you:
"Free first page fiction critiques. Check out my website here. http://www.katiefrenchbooks.com/"
Where are they?

Reply
Rachel Beth Ahrens link
4/21/2013 05:43:15 am

I absolutely loved this post! You just keep chugging with the writing and never stop. But here's my issue with writing: Once I get rejected for a query to a literary agent, I give up and work on something else. Eat chocolate, watch The Mentalist or some mediocre chick flick, then dream about what if I got to writing fame or I got to write my dream magazine feature: an intimate interview with Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy. Might not happen at all.

But then I end up burning those calories walking to my library and writing some more. Still, it won't help the fact that I'm unemployed and I have no income.

Reply
Katie French
5/8/2013 03:21:38 am

Glad you liked the post. Yes, chocolate and chick flicks help. Keep your chin up.

Reply
Liana link
4/28/2013 02:14:56 pm

Reply
S.K.Falls link
5/8/2013 12:18:50 am

Oh man, you are so much braver than I am. I don't even read my reviews. I know, I must be the only author who does that, but it's the only way to preserve my sanity. I, too, am an inexorable people-pleaser. *Sigh* I like the way you deal with it, though.

And you know what? I read once in an article by a veteran writer that most people who leave you 1 and 2 stars were likely not your target market anyway. They bought the book with different expectations than the ones with which you wrote the book. That helped me a lot. If they were looking for a strong romance, for instance, and you wanted to write something gritty, they likely wouldn't be happy. Anyway, hope that helps you some. :)

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    Katie French is the author of The Breeders, a Young Adult dystopian adventure and Eyes Ever to the Sky, a sci fi romance. Nessa: A Breeders Story, a prequel novelette is available on Amazon for FREE. Sign up for notifications, or like her on Facebook. 

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